Finding Independence in our Intellectual lives

While I don't plan on retiring from writing, presenting or teaching any time soon, I do plan to leave the academy full time and do so much earlier than the typical Social Security retiring age. I have no desire to call BYU my last hurrah. I plan to write full time but not for any particular institution or under the "watchful eye" of a boss or administrator. In order to have that day come sooner rather than later, I have given much thought to what it means to be independent.

I use to believe that becoming independent meant having the money to retire and not to be beholden to anyone. Now, after much thought,  I believe that real independence comes from inside and not simply our checkbooks or our undisturbed space . No doubt, we must be able to pay the bills and "our" space is important, super important, but independence really comes when we recognize what is important to us. We decide what we want to do and how we want to do it. Sometimes true independence comes from simply doing what we want to do even if it is in the guise of being an "employee". Other times it comes from having our own business or being freelancers. And at times it is about simply living our writer's and intellectual's life but doing it with less.

I don't see an independent life necessarily in terms of our particular labor situation. There are many things I can do presently in my job. I've traveled to other parts of the world, lived off research funds in different places and been able to write the books I've wanted. I've also designed courses to fit my interests and my style. Some work out and some don't. Sometimes the institution is happy with me and sometimes it doesn't appreciate my take on some social issues, or even my questioning of institutional decisions. But for now the relationship has been fruitful for both. If that changes it is likely that one side or the other will make the move to sever the relationship. That is why I believe in a measured fidelity because relationships always come down to fit. The loyalty is sincere and fruitful but based on mature decision-making.

I believe, then, that independence is a state-of-mind that can be enhanced by a myriad of things: enough money, elbow room, loyalty, good colleagues--or none--and physical space. It also requires belief in the fundamental mission of either one's life or the institution with whom one is affiliated. And needless to say, it needs us to be content with the things we do. I remember when I was in Habana, Cuba there was a street sweeper that had worked in the same neighborhood for over 23 years. He loved his job. People in the neighborhood knew him and appreciated his good work. He had the appropriate tools, had no demanding supervisor, had flexibility and input on how to do his job, and it paid him enough to provide for his family. Despite a very bureaucratic and politicized system he told us he felt free.

I also remember the owners of a small literary magazine who scraped by--with a little help from food stamps--but did marvelous work and helped launched a number of writers, poets and university professors. The couple, and a friend, did most of the work, and their word was the bible for many an aspiring writer. Those individuals found their niche and they were happy, fulfilled and felt important in their world. I don't know what ever happened to the street sweeper--maybe he is in Miami now--but I do know that the magazine eventually folded, but my sense is that those individuals are still plugging away at the things they love. One is--if still alive--probably using his hands and fixing things. The other three are probably now on their computers writing or editing something.

They probably won't leave much to their children except an example of hard work and commitment to a particular chore or love. Being independent is really about fulfillment, and not only a personal but also a collective one. Now, I know some people want to be independent so they can get up when they want to, go to places they like, and be beholden to no one but themselves. That's not the independence I'm talking about though in many ways one can claim to do the same even though one does care to get up, does go to places that might be necessary and is beholden to a higher ethic or cause. Like that of the aforementioned individuals an independent life is ultimately a connected and responsible one.

There are probably some people reading this--I hope someone is reading--that are unhappy where they work or may dislike the actual work itself. I've been there and done that, and in fact there are times when I feel that way even in my cushy job. Circumstances change and sometimes so do people--or bosses and administrators--and they disrupt our equilibrium. But they need not destroy our  desire to do what we most want to do. Our purpose as writers and intellectuals is to write and think. In this case we can always find a way to do it. But we must also find a way to change our situation. It might be our attitude, our job, or profession that needs to change. That is when we realize how hard it is to be independent and how much effort it takes. We spend years going to school and honing our skills, making tough decisions and navigating difficult moments to keep jobs, but the only time we spend on becoming independent in-place or outside of it is when we daydream.

I remember when I first arrived in Viet Nam I ended up with a unit that was vulgar and rather unfriendly. As a religious young man I felt completely uncomfortable and miserable. I prayed for several nights hoping that someone up there would hear me and send me to a better place--no, not heaven--but nothing came. Then one day after a fervent night of supplication, I heard a soft but firm voice say "you change". Now, I must say I was offended. After all I was the (self) righteous soldier of the bunch. But throughout the night I kept hearing the voice. Some of you can understand that you don't win against those voices, so the next morning I changed my attitude, I befriended all those I could, found something good in all that I did, and life started changing for me. Within a short time I was doing the things I wanted to do, creating my space and when I left I was one of the most likedguys in the unit. With it came a greater degree of independence than most people had in a military unit. But all of this came with hard work, eating a lot of crow, and being patient--something I'm not good at.

This is an ongoing process and we must fight and work for our independence constantly just as we do keeping our bosses happy. Independence is hard work no matter the circumstances. It is something we create and nurture and protect. The feeling of independence, even when physically only in our minds, can be liberating and allow us room to think and write. It also forces us to prioritize and to figure what really is important to us.


Next Post:  Some more thoughts on an independent intellectual life