It has been a while since I last wrote in this blog and it has been a rather productive time but mostly in terms of clearing my mind, finishing ups some unfinished business and doing some of the things that I set out to do. I have not written anything significant but have looked over material that is ready for publication--or was already in the publishing "cooker"--and will probably have to do that for three other items including my memoir that is likely to be out in June. Taking a step back has allowed me to see that the last two years were rather productive and while I have not written anything recently I will have publications coming out this year. It is an accumulation of work that is the result of a steady effort to keep busy. Detaching has allowed me to see the kind of work I have been doing, to appreciate the resources made available to me and the scholarly and friendship networks that have made me a productive scholar.
It is good to count your blessings and to appreciate all that has come your way through the bounty of life. We are surely not an island unto ourselves and are constantly blessed by the efforts of others, even those who came many years before. I've learned to be a better writer in just a couple of months--or at least I think I am but won't know until I start writing seriously again--by reading those who are, and I've made some course corrections in my thinking in just a short time; but though this in itself creates the temptation to jump back into serious writing, I am resisting the urge and continuing my journey to fully detach and renew myself.
I am taking time to read more carefully, to listen more intently--though not enough for my Alex--and to see things that are right in front of me. I've seen in the last few months houses, front yards, trees, gardens, sheds, corrals and spaces that I've missed on my way to work, the store or to a relative's house. And thus have discovered how much I've missed in being so focused on "my work" and on keeping ahead of the schedule I set for myself. That new scenery has already begun to change the way I think and the way I want to write. I've had more time to play with grandkids, to converse with my children and to upgrade my friendships, and all of this has happened even though most people who know me would "swear" that I did that already. What I found is that "substance" is much harder to achieve than appearances and you can't create substance in some things when you are too preoccupied with others.
But the beauty of it all is that I am just scratching the surface of what I need to do and I'm grudgingly accepting that there is no substitute for "taking time". I have no doubt that soon enough I will be back to being a productive scholar but my hope is that when the time does come I will be a better person with a firmer idea of where I'm going and why. I have always been a late bloomer and an obsessive "preparer" who oftentimes takes too long to make progress even as I run at full speed. I'm happy with what I have done and taking time to watch and listen to myself and my past I recognized that I've done well for a kid that grew up poor in the barrio with seemingly little prospects of ever achieving any serious dreams. I've come to appreciate my scholarship and my writing and sometimes find myself thinking, "hey, this is not bad". This space and time has allowed me to unfold, unwrap and polish off much that has been waiting for a fresh new look, but also given me ideas on where to go from here.
Needless to say, I'm glad I'm doing what I'm doing even if at times there is an impulse to come back to the battlefront and shout out like a good Cuban Revolutionary "Presente"! But there will be time for that. But just now is not the time.
