Community of One: But Still Connected

Lest some misunderstand my last post let me say that community is not a constant all the time. There will be times when we do not connect or the connection comes too infrequent. Simply put, sometimes our taste in conversational topics leaves so much to be desired that us not being there probably makes the collective interactions of a group more pleasant. Needless to say, I have found myself rather lonely in crowds in the one or two occasions in which I have attended my department's larger group gatherings. I am a one-to-one and small group socializer. It is easier for me to relate and to relaxe in smaller groups. I do not have a strong voice--as a couple of my colleagues do--that can transcend a noisy table or room.

Yet, I have had wonderful one-to-one conversations with most of my colleagues and I appreciate all of  them. So, while I'm a community-builder I find that I cannot build community with everyone nor does my particular community appeal to all or possibly even many. I appreciate--though not always want--being alone. Its importance and value  are important to me as it sometimes takes me out of uncomfortable situations.

Being alone is a time to reflect, to heal wounds, to plan the next moment of life, or simply to relax. It can, of course, also be a moment to mope, conjure up imaginery slights, wallow in self-pity, and convince one's self that "I don't belong". It has all happened to me. But being alone can also help us assess how much we are part of a community and to think about what we have to give up, give in, negotiate or ignore to be a part of something beyond ourselves. It allows us to figure out whether being where we are is worth the loneliness we may feel. Often times, it provides us a way to be comfortable with who we are.

Thus, in my book, it is okay to be alone and to find joy in our one-person community, to be our own best friend, and to find answers within. Of being alone we can say what the poet Robert Browning Hamilton said of sorrow:
     
        I walked a mile with Pleasure (the crowd):
           She chatted all the way,
        But left me none the wiser
           For all she had to say.

         I walked a mile with Sorrow (alone)
            And ne'er a word said she;
         But oh, the things I learned from her
             When Sorrow walked with me!

As long as we never forget that "We are all kin, though wide our various ways", we can find joy in our being alone. We should, however, be willing to "pass through" communities, stay for as long as it is beneficial to us and others, and then move on. Being alone should not be a state of being as much as a stage of life that comes and goes according to our needs and circumstances. We can be loners yet still be connected. Ours may be the "nose bleed" section of a community but it should still be within its periphery.

I still believe that being in a community is important and allows us to grow more so than being alone, but I also believe that we should find the crevices, outposts, and narrow lonely roads within the parameters of our community. This will allow us a place to go when we need to be away from the crowd and with only ourselves.