Independent Thought, Part 2

Academicians are famous for shutting the door to their offices and consuming themselves with their work. It would be easy to mistake that for seeking scholarly or intellectual independence, but it is not always. Sometimes it is simply being focused on one's work or possibly just a chance to take in a few zzz. One version of Intellectual independence is about engaging in work that separates us from the rest. The other is simply doingwork on our own time and space. But at this moment I will speak of the first.

Independent intellectual thought is about bringing something new to the table; creating new ways to think about things; or even to re-examine some ideas that may have been around but were not given much credibility. Independent thought is not always innovative or even "correct" but it does work outside the normal spheres. And yet, at the same time it is not so unique that it has a constituency of one. Some people are unorthodox, others are outrageous but they don't contribute much independent talk.

Wanting independence to engage in arguments and conversations that are healthy and valuable to others is important. I tend to be communal and believe that part of it has to do with growing up in a poor Mexican American barrio and attending a small religious congregation. I learned through that experience to frame much of my work in the context of other people. Now, I will admit that I was--and still am--a loner and engaged in much private thinking. I love my space and sometimes feel uncomfortable in groups unless I have something specific to do. I was never much for fanfare.

At the same time, I feel the necessity to be of use to others This internal conflict was part religious training and part of it came from deep within me. These conflicting parts of me have made me a "good" Mormon but also caused me deep anguish when people aren't willing to give me space. It happened to me for about 10 of my first 17 years here in Provo. It was extremely hard. Eventually I accepted that being independent of thought can at times be lonely. But I never gave up on community--well, not for long periods of time anyway--and now I have mostly found community and at the same time retained much of my independent space. I have stretched my religious and academic communities here, and they have often reigned me in, many times at appropriate times and in appropriate ways. I have found common ground with people who are quite different from me but who have similar final goals.

I have cross boundaries and been able to do a lot of things that I really wanted to do by not abandoning those parts of me that are often in conflict. Sometimes they come together to get me past problems created by one or the other attitude. People who are usually just on one side of the divide between community and individuality are rarely ever independent because they usually succumb to all of the demands of that one side. Those who struggle with the polar opposites are those most likely to be truly independent because they are the final arbitrars of the decisons they make.

Let me say something that will probably anger some people: not everyone is cut out or has the capabilities to be independent of thought and action. If everyone was then there would be no value in independence of thought. And constituencies of one have very little value, except to that individual and then it is a limited one, because to live is to interact.